Colin’s Joy Project and the McGrath family is proud to announce the birth of
Miles Robinson McGrath
May 23, 2023
7lbs 7oz
20” long
The McGrath family is thrilled to welcome Miles to their family; his parents say that he is the happiest baby- he’s always smiling and laughing. It’s almost as if he was sent specifically to their family to make them happy. He’s been loved since the second he came into the world, something that his mom, Kerri, says she was a little worried about.
Kerri expressed how challenging it was for them to be so happy while also sharing space with their grief over the loss of Colin. There was a great deal of anxiety about what it would be like to try to incorporate their new family with their original family. Unfortunately, there’s no blueprint on how to navigate bringing a new baby into a family after losing a child. Would they be able to love Miles as much as he needs, even while they’re still so sad over losing Colin? Do you have a baby shower, or dress your baby in hand-me-downs from the child who died? What do you do with the family pictures that are already hanging on your wall? Or as the background on your phone?
The McGraths had a certain idea of what their family unit looked like, and now it was about to change. How can you navigate that and get excited about the pregnancy and newborn photographs without feeling like you’re turning your back on the child you have lost? They wanted to make sure that Miles still got all the typical baby milestones, such as newborn photographs, without feeling like they were turning their back on Colin. This is incredibly challenging, and Kerri stated that when she researched how to incorporate a child you have lost into something like newborn photographs, there wasn’t a lot of information available. She decided to contact her good friend and photographer, Danielle McLaughlin to see if they could put their heads together and come up with some new ideas that might also help other families who have lost children in the past.
Danielle is the founder of Capturing Simple Moments Photography. She does everything from family photographs to maternity and even some weddings, but her favorite style of photography is lifestyle; she loves taking photos of families with young children! This is partly because, in addition to being a photographer, she’s also a mom to a 4 and 6-year-old. Danielle is busy, to say the least! Her background, and her longstanding friendship with Kerri, made her the perfect person to tackle something like newborn photographs, so it’s no wonder that she was able to collaborate with Kerri to come up with some great ideas for her photoshoot with Miles.
Danielle believes that the most important part of photography is incorporating the emotions and the moments that her clients are looking for. Instead of being rigid about backgrounds and poses, she thinks that families should focus on just being together during a photoshoot. She said that it’s “the simplest moments in life are the things that we should capture.” This is why she doesn’t own a studio- she believes that a family’s story will unfold in the places that are important to them. And that’s her main goal: to tell a story in photos. When she worked with the McGrath family, their story was a little bit trickier to uncover. Their main concern was, how they could incorporate Colin into their photoshoot, while also making it all about Miles?
They decided the best approach would be to incorporate things and places that remind them of Colin but to include a new twist on them to honor Miles. There were some pictures that Kerri and Brendan really wanted to recreate, such as photos that Kerri had taken with Sloane and Colin during their shoots. Danielle had also done both of their newborn photos, and they decided to incorporate some of the same props they had used with them for Miles, but they positioned him into different poses to put a unique spin on the photos. They also gathered items that reminded them of Colin, such as a specific stuffie, the bowtie Colin wore for his first birthday, and even the crocs that he was wearing on the day of the accident. Big sister Sloane picked a lot of the props they used by choosing items that also had meaning to her, and she even came up with her own ideas for different poses.
They went back and forth on what locations to use; they considered using Colin’s Courtyard for some of the photos but decided against it because they didn’t want everything about Miles’ life to be tied to Colin’s death, even though it would connect them both. They decided to do some pictures at home and some at the waterfront, which was completely different than anything they had done with Colin. The pictures turned out beautiful, and they knew they made the right choice.
One of the most important moments in the session was when they decided to incorporate an existing family photo they had hanging on their wall. Kerri knew she wanted to use it, but she didn’t want them to just hold the picture in the frame and look sad. Instead, she decided to have the family pose in front of the photo, which depicts Colin and Sloane smiling and laughing while sitting on their parents’ shoulders. They did some poses with silly faces and smiley faces, and it was the perfect way to capture Colin’s personality while also incorporating their family in the past and the present.
Taking these photos was incredibly painful, but also so moving. After you lose a child, family photos are always so hard because it feels like somebody is missing. Taking these newborn photos with Miles allowed them to vocalize their emotions and let them be in that space where they're happy because they have a baby, but also sad because they’re missing one of their family members. They want people to understand that yes, they’ve moved forward in the search for more love in their life, but it doesn't mean they’ve moved on. There is no such thing. There’s no manual that tells you how to navigate such raw emotions.
There’s also not a well-woven path for families like theirs, so it can feel very isolating. People tend to default to routines, traditions, and habits that they've always done; forcing themselves to go through the motions even though it can be super painful. Kerri was lucky to have a friend to help, but for people in a similar position, she encourages them to be super honest with their photographer about what they want out of their session, as well as about their emotions surrounding the shoot. The more honest you are, the better the outcome will be because everyone will be on the same page regarding expectations.
At the end of the day, there’s no right or wrong answer- you just need to do what feels right for your family, Kerri hopes that this post will help other families dealing with loss know that they are not alone and that whatever decision(s) they make for their family when bringing a new little one into the world, will be the right ones.
Looking for more information on how to navigate grief and parenting? Check out the Unswaddled Podcast! Kerri was a guest on their recent episode of Unswaddled: Navigating Grief, Parenting, and Joy.